No longer a Walmart virgin...

(Above: Costco. To right: Walmart)

I don't know why it's taken me this long to go to a Walmart. Ok, that's not true. There are two main reasons.

1. I've never lived near a Walmart and not near Costco, Target or other mega-shopping option.
2. I have a negative attitude towards Walmart based on media coverage and my perception of the company and its business philosophy.

However, I always thought I was probably missing out on something, given the chain's relentless popularity. Up to now my attitude has been mild curiosity, but not quite enough to impel me to travel long distances to check out the Walmart experience.

Last week, I was driving home down Senter Road from a client meeting in East San Jose. Just a mile or two from my house I drove past a Walmart. "So close," I thought, and yesterday I set out to explore this cultural icon.

My first impression was that the parking lot wasn't as huge as I had anticipated, and I was glad to find a parking spot quickly. My second impression was "Oh man, it's goin' down!" -- two police cars drawn up by the store entrance, and a posse of uniformed cops, one of whom was shaking down a grubby guy who seemed to have set up business soliciting donations or signatures. My third impression, about the time I took this picture, was "let me out of here."

Was it the ugly painted-concrete floors, the harsh fluorescent lighting strips, the combination of crammed fixtures, half-depleted shelves and large empty areas, the smell of lysol? Was it the irritating maze-like layout? Was it the relentlessly down-market selection of brands on offer? Was it that everyone I could see was 2' shorter than me? Sure, but all these weren't quite enough to account for my pressing need to leave. After one circuit, not even stopping to pick up the toilet paper that was my reason for shopping, I decamped past the cop cars with a huge sense of relief.

Now I had to break down the experience. Was it the store? Was I having a reaction to the people shopping there? Was it me just not being in the mood for crowds and consumption? In a spirit of investigation and because I still needed the TP, I went right to my local Costco.

By the time I walked through the enormous Costco door along with hundreds of exactly the same short folk as the Walmart shoppers, I was almost whimpering with relief and the excitement of bulk purchasing.

So that settled it - the problem was not me or the shoppers, it was Walmart. I got the TP, found some excellent steaks and some fabulous artisan whole-wheat bread. To record the glaring difference between the two stores, I took a picture while I was waiting in the checkout line.

Now that I compare the two images, it's hard for me to find a clear visual clue to my different reactions. My best guess is that Costco's high warehouse ceilings are easier on the spirit, and the lighting isn't so oppressive.

Whatever the reason, that Walmart gave me the full-body oogs, and it will be a long time before I try another one.